Jonathan Richie BW.tif

Wisconsinites are being laughed at and have been laughed at since the Jackson administration.

Yes, that’s right, the Andrew Jackson administration.

It all started with the Toledo War in 1835 and 1836. The war was between the states of Ohio and Michigan and it was all about Toledo. At the time Toledo was the gateway to the west with a huge shipping port with unending possibility.

In 1836 the war ended after Toledo was given to Ohio and Michigan was given three-quarters of the Upper Peninsula. This was all before Wisconsin was a state.

Michigan voters voted against the compromise at first. Then in the summer, Andrew Jackson and Congress took matters into their own hands. He called another convention, known as the Frostbitten Convention, and in December 1836 the state approved the compromise of Ohio gets Toledo and Michigan steals from us.

So, Wisconsin becomes a state 12 years later and are supposed to be ignorant about this theft.

There is a Twitter account that alleges to represent the Upper Peninsula on the Internet. It was called the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, but after the Wisconsin Badgers football team handily defeated the Michigan State Spartans 38-0 this weekend at Camp Randall. The Badgers also beat the Michigan Wolverines earlier this year.

So, after the win this weekend the Twitter account has changed their loyalty to the rightful owner of the peninsula – Wisconsin.

We finally have justice for this great tragedy.

Joking aside, Wisconsin should have the entirety of the Upper Peninsula for ourselves. Mostly to give us our own path to Canada. Michigan already has access to Canada. It’s only a four-hour drive from Detroit to Toronto. Siren to Canada is just a quick seven-hour drive and Wisconsinites should not be forced to drive through faux Michigan.

Wisconsin is the greatest state and we all know that. We shouldn’t have been taken advantage of before we even got statehood. Wisconsin was declared a territory after the American Revolutionary War. But those lazy Brits stole it back in the war for 1812. It’s a possibility that Jackson was still angry about this and resented the population of Wisconsin for not standing up to the British during the War of 1812.

It wouldn’t surprise me if Michigan holds on to the Upper Peninsula until the day I die, but that’s mostly because that state does not respect us.

Memo to Michigan: If you’re reading this, know we are watching you. We are formally demanding the over 15,000 square miles back and we will allow the approximately 311,000 residents the option to head to mainland Michigan or become happy residents of the dairy state. As far as the whole Toledo thing goes, figure it out yourself.