In early 1981 Tom Petty wrote words that we all continue to live regardless of whether a global pandemic is happening.
“The waiting is the hardest part.”
“The Waiting” gets played all the time; TV, movies and even football games during reviews. And now it applies to me.
In an odd turn, last time I visited my mother, she gave me a box with a test tube inside for me to spit into, so I can figure out what my DNA says about me. The box was from one of those “find out your family history through DNA analysis” companies.
So, I waited for the allotted 30 minutes after eating, and then I added my saliva to this tube. Then I had to add this blue solution to it, which stabilizes the sample for shipping.
Allegedly this will tell me where my ancestors were from and more information about my DNA. My mom showed me what the test said about her. It was what we already knew about the Schannauer side of the family.
The Schannauer Family is based in Central Europe and at some point, in the 17th or 18th century, they started emigrating to the United States, specifically Pennsylvania.
My uncle has done the genealogy of the Richie side of the family, and I believe it goes back like 300 or 3,000 years, and they’re all German.
After I spit in the tube, I created an online profile.
Then the DNA corporation started asking me questions about my sample like can they use my sample for research or do they have my permission to store my sample for something in the future?
I’m all for the advancement of science, but I’m not a fan of having a clone of me running around.
However, if you asked me that question 20 years ago, I would have been all for it.
You see, there’s a Disney Channel movie I love. It’s called “The Other Me” and stars Andrew Lawrence playing Will Browning. He buys a pack of fertilized fish eggs for a science project. The eggs are secretly produced by a laboratory trying to perfect human cloning.
When Browning uses his hair comb to stir up the fish tank and gets his DNA in the tank, a clone is created. He goes on to send the clone to school so he can sit at home all day watching TV and playing video games.
The perfect life for me — or I thought in 2005. But that was then, and this is now. I do not want a clone of me running around.
That is why I quickly shut down the DNA analysis company when they asked my consent for using my DNA for research, storing my DNA, and some other stuff that doesn’t seem necessary.
So, Petty was right, and now I’m just waiting to see what my DNA says about me. I’m hoping to be related to Scottish Royalty or a former king of Bavaria.
But they were probably just farmers – working-class folk who allowed the ruling class to reign supreme until the overthrow of all European empires.
Besides, one of me running around is enough.